Whenever I start focusing on a girl in preparation for asking them out, I tend to think about them before I fall asleep. Stuff we’ve done, stuff we have planned, stuff we could do in the future, ways to ask them out, possible outcomes (about 95% of which are always rejection nowadays), etc. Once I hit this stage, I tend to ignore the possibility of finding romance with other girls (despite the very real and most likely outcome involving rejection), and thus kind of give up on the idea that I could end up going out with anyone else that I know. When I finally do ask and subsequently get rejected/turned down/however you want to put it, I suddenly don’t have anyone to think about before I go to sleep. I can’t really think about the person who just turned me down because it would be really awkward already knowing that I have no chance with them, and I haven’t built strong enough relationships with other girls to really move on to someone else. Or I was close enough to them that they either figured out or I plain told them that I was crushing on someone, and so it would be awkward if I just started pushing towards them instead. I have basically started from scratch in a different friend circle after each rejection, and while I now have quite a lot of “close female friends” that I can talk to about stuff, most of whom have already turned me down (I’m now 0 for 6 over the last two and a half years), I still haven’t had someone return my feelings in what feels like an eternity. Which is definitely not helpful considering that I am basically addicted to love (and ironically enough, my birthday is Valentines Day).
So at this point my mind kind of… breaks down. Not just at night, but in general. I look for distractions anywhere I can, typically engrossing myself in anime or video games (playing Smash Bros is the easiest way I’ve found to distract myself). I lose motivation to do stuff that is genuinely productive (spriting doesn’t really count, hence why I’ve managed to post more sprites than usual lately), which definitely screwed over my grades in Junior and Senior years of high school, as I dealt with not only my first real, big breakup, but also rejection after rejection. As I fall asleep, I more often think about what I did before and during my past relationships to see if there’s anything I can do differently, which never fails to make me even more emotionally unstable. Usually it’s hard to tell if I’m really distressed about anything because I won’t want to talk about it, but I actually had a relatively explosive breakdown after my most recent rejection - something that wouldn’t normally be uncommon for me, if not for the fact that it was right in front of one of my closest friends in college. I don’t really know why it happened, considering I thought I had mentally prepared myself for rejection from the moment I figured I had stronger feelings for this girl.
So why the pixel art? I really don’t know. I thought of this while trying to fall asleep last night, and since I didn’t have anything to do tonight, I just banged it out (streamed it to a few online friends as well). It’s pretty much just a picture of me tearing up in my bed. A few plushies line one side of the bed (Perry the Platypus, Totoro, Soot Sprite, Meloetta, Drifloon, and a Pichu which I neglected to add in), and I fall asleep with two blanket-like things (my sister originally called them “memes”, pronounced “mimis”, and I use the term as well) and a 12 year old Build-a-Bear dalmatian which is the only thing that I have been able to cuddle with in the last two and a half years.
I think that’s about it for this rant. I wonder what I’ll think about while I fall asleep tonight.
I just made a personal blog so I can reblog stuff and post non-art or project related things, the URL is http://www.dettadixit.tumblr.com so you should check it out maybe? There’s nothing there yet but I’m gonna start following people again and reblogging things.
Hey I got bored last week and made a website to keep track of projects and stuff. It’s still in the works graphically, but it has most of the information I want in it. Go ahead and check out the projects page for links to Crusade places, Miyazaki Mash info, and RMS stuff too!
Also, I finally got RMS working on my new computer, which means I’ll be making some progress with it again. I know a lot of people started following me for the Studio Ghibli stuff (and the Cucumber Quest sprites I made as well), but check out my other projects too! RMS will be done long before Miyazaki Mash even has a chance of getting off the ground, so be on the lookout for it!
i was reading gigi’s ask thing and there was mention of a cucumber quest game
felt like i had to make a sprite of cucumber :3 then i got carried away and tried making a bunch of the disaster stones too
it was fun trying to adapt CQ’s style into a sprite form, and i’ll probably make some of the other characters too
(i kept thinking i had to add some shading to his legs so i kept looking for references throughout the comic and gigi’s tumblr but the shading on his legs really only changes when there’s lighting shifts)
Imagine that I give you a glass ball. What happens if you drop it on the ground? It breaks. It shatters into many pieces. You can apologize, but the glass ball is still in scattered pieces in front of you. You can try to put the pieces back together, but even if you succeed, you can still see the cracks. Some of the pieces are really small, so you can’t quite figure out where they go. Maybe you can’t even find a couple of the shards.
That glass ball is my heart.
I gave it to you, and then one day you simply dropped it onto the ground. It broke. It shattered into many pieces. You apologize, but that doesn’t magically fuse the pieces back into a ball. As you leave, I try to pick all the pieces up and put them back together, but the broken glass is sharp and cuts my hands. The tears welling in my eyes keep me from seeing the smaller shards scattered across the ground. I can no longer put my heart back together on my own.
Finished the Robot from Laputa, Castle in the Sky. Since the robots aren’t really given a name, he’s just called Robot. Also he is massive (I made him to scale with the rest of the cast hahahahahahaha) and took like six or seven hours altogether.
Also, Baron Humbert von Jikkingen (from Whisper of the Heart and The Cat Returns) is the last character. If you’ve never seen it, go watch The Cat Returns. It is absolutely amazing. He’s also another dual-rep, like the Soot Sprites. And the most dapper cat ever to exist. Since the movie scaled Haru down while she was in the Kingdom of Cats, I took the liberty of scaling Baron up for this thing.
And I’m trying to figure out a name for the game. Reply with ideas pls? So far “Miyazaki Mash” is the only idea I’ve come up with.
Yeah I decided since I haven’t been able to find a style I like after drawing for like 5 years that I’m mostly going to give up on it. I never particularly thought stuff that I drew came out very well. Whenever I look back at stuff I drew years ago, I think it looks really meh and figure I can do better and realize after messing around for two hours that I really can’t. I still do spriting stuff though, which for some reason I am significantly better at despite being a hundred times more limited in precision. Maybe one day I’ll figure out a style I like that I think looks good but for now I’m gonna stick to sprites and junk like that. Iunno.
Completely unrelated, turtles may or may not be my favorite animal now.