Whenever I start focusing on a girl in preparation for asking them out, I tend to think about them before I fall asleep. Stuff we’ve done, stuff we have planned, stuff we could do in the future, ways to ask them out, possible outcomes (about 95% of which are always rejection nowadays), etc. Once I hit this stage, I tend to ignore the possibility of finding romance with other girls (despite the very real and most likely outcome involving rejection), and thus kind of give up on the idea that I could end up going out with anyone else that I know. When I finally do ask and subsequently get rejected/turned down/however you want to put it, I suddenly don’t have anyone to think about before I go to sleep. I can’t really think about the person who just turned me down because it would be really awkward already knowing that I have no chance with them, and I haven’t built strong enough relationships with other girls to really move on to someone else. Or I was close enough to them that they either figured out or I plain told them that I was crushing on someone, and so it would be awkward if I just started pushing towards them instead. I have basically started from scratch in a different friend circle after each rejection, and while I now have quite a lot of “close female friends” that I can talk to about stuff, most of whom have already turned me down (I’m now 0 for 6 over the last two and a half years), I still haven’t had someone return my feelings in what feels like an eternity. Which is definitely not helpful considering that I am basically addicted to love (and ironically enough, my birthday is Valentines Day).
So at this point my mind kind of… breaks down. Not just at night, but in general. I look for distractions anywhere I can, typically engrossing myself in anime or video games (playing Smash Bros is the easiest way I’ve found to distract myself). I lose motivation to do stuff that is genuinely productive (spriting doesn’t really count, hence why I’ve managed to post more sprites than usual lately), which definitely screwed over my grades in Junior and Senior years of high school, as I dealt with not only my first real, big breakup, but also rejection after rejection. As I fall asleep, I more often think about what I did before and during my past relationships to see if there’s anything I can do differently, which never fails to make me even more emotionally unstable. Usually it’s hard to tell if I’m really distressed about anything because I won’t want to talk about it, but I actually had a relatively explosive breakdown after my most recent rejection - something that wouldn’t normally be uncommon for me, if not for the fact that it was right in front of one of my closest friends in college. I don’t really know why it happened, considering I thought I had mentally prepared myself for rejection from the moment I figured I had stronger feelings for this girl.
So why the pixel art? I really don’t know. I thought of this while trying to fall asleep last night, and since I didn’t have anything to do tonight, I just banged it out (streamed it to a few online friends as well). It’s pretty much just a picture of me tearing up in my bed. A few plushies line one side of the bed (Perry the Platypus, Totoro, Soot Sprite, Meloetta, Drifloon, and a Pichu which I neglected to add in), and I fall asleep with two blanket-like things (my sister originally called them “memes”, pronounced “mimis”, and I use the term as well) and a 12 year old Build-a-Bear dalmatian which is the only thing that I have been able to cuddle with in the last two and a half years.
I think that’s about it for this rant. I wonder what I’ll think about while I fall asleep tonight.
mako is probably next but again not for a while
was reorganizing my room and stumbled on this doodle i made a while back
some soot sprite attack? iunno
senketsu and slightly fixed ryuko
wanna make a sprite of two-star mako at some point (and also synchronized ryuko) but i probably won’t get around to either for a while
Matoi Ryuko, from Kill la Kill.
Might eventually make sprites for Senketsu and their synchronized form.
wip scetch of a comic for a friend of mine
(text in the first panel is “Hey, onii-chan” “What?” “Apparently the neck is warmer than the armpits, since there’s more blood flowing through it”)
kyoukai no kanata is pretty awesome
hiromi has this obsession with putting his hands in kanbara’s armpits to warm up, and my friend was like “but wouldn’t the neck be warmer since it has more blood flowing through it?”
and i said “well then it’d look like hiromi is strangling kanbara
computerized version coming eventually
I just made a personal blog so I can reblog stuff and post non-art or project related things, the URL is http://www.dettadixit.tumblr.com so you should check it out maybe? There’s nothing there yet but I’m gonna start following people again and reblogging things.
Jellyfish and the finished tutorial level!
Hey I got bored last week and made a website to keep track of projects and stuff. It’s still in the works graphically, but it has most of the information I want in it. Go ahead and check out the projects page for links to Crusade places, Miyazaki Mash info, and RMS stuff too!
Also, I finally got RMS working on my new computer, which means I’ll be making some progress with it again. I know a lot of people started following me for the Studio Ghibli stuff (and the Cucumber Quest sprites I made as well), but check out my other projects too! RMS will be done long before Miyazaki Mash even has a chance of getting off the ground, so be on the lookout for it!